The most insightful thing ever (not)

Having a toddler is like having to take care of your best friend who is belligerently and/or obscenely drunk.

They both:
Have impulse control issues
May start crying at any moment
Speak incoherently
Are incredibly earnest
Are inclined towards random acts of intense affection
May have issues with peeing in an actual toilet
Want to eat random and sometimes disgusting combinations of food (cake off the living room floor? frozen
peas?)
They constantly assure you, "I can do it. I can."
The way they put on their socks and shoes...wow..it's painful.
Stairs are just a bad idea.
There is no such thing as a "bad time" for nudity.
The repeat themselves over..and over...and over..
Things that sparkle are always items of interest
May become enraged at any moment
There are no strangers, only BFFs.
If they are seen out meandering around the streets alone, it's a criminal offense.
Shouldn't drive.
You have to speak to them very slowly and make sure they understand exactly what you're saying.
Like to run through Target screaming.
Neither have any regard for the safety or health of themselves or most other people.
"Personal space" doesn't exist
Pools are such a bad idea.
They shouldn't be trusted with permanent markers
Sometimes, you just want to beat them until your arm falls off, then pick up your detached arm and beat them with it.
Give them an iPad, and you've bought yourself an hour of silence.


The End (for now).